I finally called out the white elephant of resistance sitting in my space today, thanks to the help of some great psychic friends. Isn’t it funny how we can be the effect of something for so long, even when we are aware that we are giving our power away?!
I’ve been aware of this on-going resistance for months, even years, off and on. Specifically, I’ve been resisting doing anything creative, or acting upon my creative urges, ideas and inspirations. While I have consciously wanted to put ideas into form and translate my being into doing, I also experience an underlying energy of not wanting to do it. If I were to give this resistance a voice, it would literally say “I don’t want to do it!” Just like a kid resisting what a parent tells them to do.
Today I looked right at this resistance, whereas previously I was mostly resisting the resistance. 🙂 Isn’t it funny how we do this?! It’s so easy to become the energy we’re experiencing, especially when that energy is resistance! So the white elephant (of resistance) came out of the closet, finally, because I said Hello.
I also found the right question to ask. Often we do not see or recognize an answer to a problem because we are not asking the right question. With the help of friends experiencing similar resistance levels, we were able to find the question(s) that unlocked the door(s) of resistance. We asked ourselves these questions, beginning with one and moving on to the next as we discovered answers: “What energy is preventing me from translating my Being into doing?, What am I resisting? Where did I first experience the energy I’m resisting? What can I offer this resistance, and the energy it is resisting in order to transform or release the energy?”
What I found within me was both amazingly simple, seemingly obvious, yet ingeniously hidden. Isn’t it funny how we (our ego) hide from ourselves?! When I looked right at the resistance without resisting it, I discovered what I was resisting. I found that I had been mostly unconsciously resisting academic energy and rules. Ha! Of course. It makes so much sense once we give ourselves space to be neutral and say hello to the energy we’re experiencing. I say my experiences as a young child and adolescent in school, having to conform to the rules and regulations of society and school. These rules, and my resistance to them, were sitting right in my will/energy distribution/action space.
When I looked further, I noticed that the protocol/rules/academic energy was perceived by me as a young person/student as invalidation, because there was no space, or permission, for me to explore and express my creativity freely. Because most of my Being, my creativity and essential nature, were either completely unrecognized or blatantly invalidated as a child, I associated rules and academic structures of “getting things done” with pain/invalidation. There it was, the purple cow riding the white elephant!: along with the resistance, I discovered loads of invalidation.
The process of healing or transforming this invalidation and resistance can be summed up in one word: forgiveness. And, as always, it really came down to forgiving myself. I saw a quote today by Carl Rogers that touches upon this. “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Until I am able to accept–or forgive–myself no matter what, I cannot change something I see within myself.
Today I practiced accepting and forgiving the resistance I have/had toward society’s rules about how to do things, and the structure and discipline I experienced in my school years. I also accepted/forgave the invalidation I experienced in relationship to that energy of rules and academia. This practice was and is a huge step toward shifting the pattern of resistance I’ve had toward doing. And, while I may find other energies as I continue to ask the questions I asked today, I know that my willingness to see and release those energies has increased dramatically because I have stepped out of a great deal of resistance. For that, I am celebrating!